He dumped me

I'm a miserable low life. I feel that way, anyway.

He dumped me. *sigh* He says he can't be what I want.

My love is beautiful, I thought. My love is wonderful, I thought. It wasn't, though. It isn't even worth holding on to. It isn't worth having. It isn't worth keeping or protecting.

I'm keeping it together right now. Every time I start to cry, I start to scold myself for ever thinking I was ever worthy of him. I then remind myself that he was married and that I had no business even hoping that he'd ever want me enough to keep me and only me.

So many things were said. So many things that I can't process any of it right now. All I can do is put the whole conversation in here, and maybe, in a few months and after I've had the chance to heal, I can look over it and learn just exactly what I've done wrong.

So here it is in its unedited and complete form. I'm going to post it and then I'm going to go lay down on the couch and sleep. I can't go in my room. There are so many South Carolina things in the room to remind me of him and I know that the second I see it, I will not be able to hold the tears in. I've also given Jeff the link to this blog. Why? So at least he'll know just how badly I wanted and needed him, so that he'll know just how badly I wanted his attention. He can't punish me for what I write any more, so I no longer have to hide it
------------

Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:11PM) Chasmia: JEFF
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:11PM) Chasmia: JEFF!
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:11PM) Chasmia: Jeffy!
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:11PM) Chasmia: Jeeeeeeff
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:11PM) Chasmia: god I love you
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:11PM) Chasmia: I love you so much
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:11PM) Chasmia: love you so very very much
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:11PM) Jeff: hehe cutie
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:11PM) Chasmia: *gets on her knees in front of you*
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:11PM) Jeff: I lov eyou
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:11PM) Jeff: lol woo :)
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:11PM) Chasmia: I need to beg for forgiveness
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:11PM) Jeff: why?
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:12PM) Chasmia: because of last night
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:12PM) Chasmia: and my utter lameness
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:13PM) Jeff: hmm what did you do that was lame heh
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:13PM) Chasmia: I yelled at you for not talking to me, then forced you to talk to me, then fell asleep while you tried to talk to me
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:13PM) Jeff: it's ok hehe
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:13PM) Chasmia: why? Because I put the phone in a place where it couldn't get a signal, so none of your IMs ever came through
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:14PM) Jeff: oh hehe....I wondered where you went :)
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:14PM) Chasmia: till 5:30 this morning, when I knocked the phone over into a place where it got your signals all at once
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:15PM) Jeff: lol
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:15PM) Jeff: poor baby
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:15PM) Chasmia: so they woke me up at 5:30. heh
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:15PM) Chasmia: Forgive me, bayb
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:16PM) Jeff: I forgive ya
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:16PM) Chasmia: forgive me for being such a moronic bitch
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:16PM) Chasmia: hugs
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:16PM) Chasmia: Merry Christmas
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:16PM) Jeff: I wasn't mad, I figured you just fell asleep
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:16PM) Jeff: *hugs* Merry Christmas
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:16PM) Chasmia: I love you so much
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:16PM) Chasmia: I love you!
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:16PM) Chasmia: I looooove you!
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:16PM) Chasmia: I love you crazy deeply!
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:17PM) Jeff: I love you sweets
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:17PM) Chasmia: I went back to bed at like 1:30 today
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:17PM) Chasmia: slept till 6
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:18PM) Chasmia: Mom came in my room to ask me if my asshat was gonna sleep all day
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:18PM) Chasmia: took me a while to comprehend that she still needs to learn how to use the word asshat.
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:18PM) Jeff: haha
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:19PM) Jeff: I went to sleep about 4 hours ago
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:19PM) Jeff: and just got up
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:19PM) Chasmia: yay!
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:19PM) Chasmia: does it mean that I'll get time with you tonight?
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:19PM) Jeff: I joined another Sg last night
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:19PM) Jeff: but I'm not sure I like it heh
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:19PM) Chasmia: the one Bunnee merged with?
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:20PM) Jeff: no
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:20PM) Chasmia: which one?
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:20PM) Jeff: Bedlam
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:20PM) Chasmia: ahh
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:20PM) Jeff: they use Ventrillo
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:20PM) Jeff: the leader guy sounds like Shadowbain heh
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:21PM) Chasmia: ugh
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:21PM) Chasmia: maybe it is
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:21PM) Jeff: and they cuss every othe word
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:21PM) Jeff: nah, it's not him
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:21PM) Chasmia: *beams* I love you so much, Jeff
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:22PM) Chasmia: I really do
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:22PM) Jeff: I love you
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:22PM) Chasmia: I am also very thankful that you don't behave like my demon brother
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:22PM) Jeff: I had a dream you came back and played COH heh but you were sad
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:22PM) Chasmia: why was I sad?
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:22PM) Jeff: cuz you were a lowbie heh
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:22PM) Chasmia: I don't care about being a lowbie
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:23PM) Chasmia: I need help picking out the right motherboard, baby
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:23PM) Jeff: at least I think that's why I don't remember it that much
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:23PM) Jeff: just remember that part of it
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:23PM) Jeff: kk
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:23PM) Chasmia: think you can help me?
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:23PM) Jeff: sure
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:23PM) Jeff: :)
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:23PM) Chasmia: okay
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:24PM) Chasmia: are you up for helping me now?
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:24PM) Jeff: can try, I'll probably ask my brother, cuz I dunno much about them
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:24PM) Chasmia: okay. See, I don't know a lot either
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:24PM) Chasmia: I just know...
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:24PM) Chasmia: I want it to be able to upgrade as time goes on
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:25PM) Jeff: but you'll need to know stuff about your case
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:25PM) Chasmia: I also want slots for it to be able to use my AGP video card
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:25PM) Chasmia: I know all about my case.
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:25PM) Chasmia: ATX case
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:25PM) Chasmia: anyhow
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:25PM) Jeff: k
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:26PM) Chasmia: I want it to have at least one AGP slot and
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:26PM) Jeff: what kinda processor speed are you lookin for?
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:26PM) Chasmia: well, I think I'm gonna go AMD 64
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:26PM) Chasmia: and those only go up to 2.1 GHz
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:26PM) Chasmia: which doesn't sound like much
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:27PM) Chasmia: but on 3 different sites that I've looked up, they've stated that the AMD 64 2.0 will out perform the Pentium 3.4
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:28PM) Jeff: can you get a AMD 64 for that price with mb?
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:28PM) Chasmia: yeah. Lemme show you
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:28PM) Jeff: I see them
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:29PM) Chasmia: thing is
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:29PM) Chasmia: I don't know if the AMD 64 comes in more than one kind of chip
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:29PM) Chasmia: secondly
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:29PM) Chasmia: I don't know what the heck kinda motherboard to get or what chipset
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:30PM) Jeff: k, I'm asking my bro :)
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:30PM) Jeff: heh
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:30PM) Jeff: he says it is poss
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:30PM) Jeff: and he has recommendations
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:30PM) Jeff: hehe
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:30PM) Chasmia: lay it on me
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:31PM) Jeff: he loves newegg stuff
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:31PM) Jeff: so he'll go to the site and find the stuff
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:31PM) Chasmia: *beams*
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:31PM) Jeff: I'll let you know when he tells me
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:31PM) Chasmia: the GC will be for the MB and Chip
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:32PM) Chasmia: I can transfer everything else from my old system
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:32PM) Chasmia: except memory - but I'm gonna get that from Kingston directly
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:32PM) Jeff: k
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:32PM) Chasmia: and they have an idiot's guide for buying memory on their site
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:32PM) Jeff: heh
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:32PM) Chasmia: so they ask me what kinda chip and motherboard, then ask what kinda chipset, and then they find the right memory
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:33PM) Jeff: cool
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:33PM) Chasmia: the best kinda idiot's guide - the kind that does all the work for you
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:33PM) Chasmia: and it's from the company tha tmakes the best ram
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:33PM) Jeff: lol yeah ;)
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:34PM) Chasmia: I love you I love you I love you
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:34PM) Jeff: I love you too sugarlips
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:34PM) Jeff: heh
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:34PM) Chasmia: I've had a crap day, but thankfully, I've had time to sleep away most of the stress
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:35PM) Jeff: aww how come
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:35PM) Chasmia: my pipes burst *smirk*
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:35PM) Jeff: ugh really?
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:35PM) Chasmia: yeah
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:35PM) Jeff: yucky
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:35PM) Chasmia: well, it's fixed now
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:35PM) Chasmia: and cheaply
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:35PM) Chasmia: but damn, it started a war over here
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:35PM) Jeff: how come?
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:36PM) Chasmia: coz my brother is manic depressive like me, but won't medicate for it
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:36PM) Jeff: ahh ok
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:36PM) Chasmia: they burst..
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:36PM) Chasmia: Mom got up and went outside to see what the problem was
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:37PM) Chasmia: while Mom was outside messing with stuff, Judy said something like "Miles, you should be out there helping your Mom. She's all stooped over, and well, she's old and has a bad back"
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:37PM) Chasmia: he didn't give her a dirty look. he didn't say anything. He just got up, put his jacket on, and walked out the front door
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:38PM) Chasmia: 10 minutes later, Mom came inside and was utterly freaked out. She said that my brother was going ballistic
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:38PM) Chasmia: he told her that "Venus should sue her insurance company." and "Venus should sue her former plumber"
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:38PM) Chasmia: and oh god, you name it
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:38PM) Jeff: crazy
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:39PM) Chasmia: So he just started flipping out
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:39PM) Chasmia: Mom asked me to call my brother in law to come help.
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:39PM) Chasmia: He brought a snake because he thought that we had a clog instead of bursted pipes
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:39PM) Chasmia: My brother saw the snake and started telling my Mom that my brother in law's stupid snake won't fix anything.
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:40PM) Chasmia: it just went downhill
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:40PM) Chasmia: 3 hours later, he's still rampaging
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:40PM) Chasmia: I shut the water off as soon as everything was clogged
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:40PM) Chasmia: weeeeell, soon as I shut the water off, I came in and started trying to find plumbers
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:41PM) Chasmia: It's Saturday. It's Christmas. Heh
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:41PM) Jeff: yeah :) heh
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:41PM) Chasmia: Then my brother comes inside and tells Mom that he didn't mind trying to fix stuff around here. He said that in fact, it made him feel good to help, but "God damnit, I will not let Judy speak condescendingly to me."
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:42PM) Chasmia: freaked me out
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:42PM) Chasmia: an hour before they left, they got into an argument in the kitchen
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:42PM) Jeff: aww
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:42PM) Chasmia: god, it scared me
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:42PM) Chasmia: I thought he was going to hit her
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:42PM) Chasmia: he was foul in all meanings of the word
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:42PM) Jeff: :(
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:43PM) Chasmia: Judy finally lost her temper and started yelling at him
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:43PM) Chasmia: it scared me badly, so I just locked myself in my room until they left
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:43PM) Chasmia: It scared Mom too
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:44PM) Chasmia: and wiped out every last penny of my savings *smirk*
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:44PM) Jeff: ugh
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:44PM) Jeff: no more tv :(
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:44PM) Chasmia: Mom's been crying all dya
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:44PM) Chasmia: I just went back to bed and stayed there.
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:45PM) Jeff: will you overclock it?
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:46PM) Jeff: my brother is asking
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:46PM) Jeff: heh
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:46PM) Chasmia: nope
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:47PM) Jeff: sounds like a pretty rough day :( *hugs*
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:48PM) Chasmia: it was
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:48PM) Chasmia: but!
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:48PM) Chasmia: I slept till 6pm
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:48PM) Chasmia: well, 6:15
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:48PM) Jeff: that's good hehe
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:48PM) Chasmia: so I slept the mass majority of my stress away
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:49PM) Jeff: I'm glad sweety
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:49PM) Chasmia: me too
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:49PM) Chasmia: now I just wanna hold you and beg for forgiveness
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:49PM) Chasmia: and hope and pray that I don't end up like my brother
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:50PM) Chasmia: sadly enough, I think I'm more like him than I wanna admit
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:50PM) Chasmia: so I think you should shoot me
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:51PM) Chasmia: I'll give you the gun on Planetside if you want :)
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:51PM) Jeff: what kinda ram are you getting?
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:51PM) Chasmia: to shoot me
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:51PM) Chasmia: DDR, I assume? I thought you picked the chip first, then the MB, and then you got the memory that matched the MB
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:51PM) Jeff: well my brother wants to know
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:52PM) Chasmia: well I can't answer that because I don't know what kind to get
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:52PM) Chasmia: I just know which brand
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:53PM) Jeff: what vid card do you have?
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:53PM) Chasmia: GeForce 4 MX 440
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:55PM) Chasmia: maybe 420. lemme double check
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:55PM) Chasmia: 440
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:55PM) Jeff: k
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:56PM) Chasmia: it isn't a DDR card, though
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:56PM) Chasmia: but I want to move up to DDR from SDRAM
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (09:57PM) Jeff: k
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:01PM) Jeff: how much did you wanna spend on memory?
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:01PM) Jeff: cuz he's trying to figure out what mb to get
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:01PM) Jeff: and it depends on the memory
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:02PM) Chasmia: I'm thinking I'll spend like 80 dollars for half a gig through either Ben's, Kingston, or Ebay.
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:02PM) Chasmia: on one single chip
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:04PM) Jeff: he said 512k for this mb he's lookin at would be like 89
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:04PM) Jeff: you want 512 total?
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:04PM) Chasmia: it's what I can afford for now
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:04PM) Chasmia: I will add more later
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:04PM) Jeff: k
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:08PM) Jeff: he says it's best if you get 2 identical chips
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:08PM) Jeff: when are you thinking of upgrading to 1 gig/
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:09PM) Chasmia: in a couple months
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:09PM) Jeff: k
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:09PM) Chasmia: like... after I get my savings started back up *frown*
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:09PM) Jeff: aww *hugs*
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:09PM) Chasmia: hugs
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:10PM) Jeff: do you need a heatsink?
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:10PM) Jeff: heh
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:10PM) Chasmia: the chip will come with it
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:11PM) Jeff: some do, some dont'
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:11PM) Chasmia: if the chip doesn't come with it, then yes, I need one
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:11PM) Jeff: ok
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:13PM) Chasmia: hey how'd his trip to China go?
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:14PM) Chasmia: do you have yourself a new sister in law yet?
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:14PM) Jeff: supposedly he's getting married in APril
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:14PM) Chasmia: wow
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:14PM) Jeff: http://www.newegg.com/app/viewproductdesc.asp?description=19-103-501&DEPA=1
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:15PM) Jeff: http://www.newegg.com/app/ViewProductDesc.asp?description=13-130-468&depa=0
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:15PM) Jeff: that's like $310 tho
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:15PM) Jeff: I will pay the balance :)
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:15PM) Chasmia: no you won't
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:15PM) Chasmia: yay!
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:15PM) Chasmia: thank you for doing this!
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:16PM) Jeff: he said then go to Kingston
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:16PM) Jeff: and put in the specs for the stuff
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:16PM) Jeff: and it'll tell you the memory
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:16PM) Chasmia: yeah
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:16PM) Chasmia: *beams*
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:16PM) Chasmia: thank you thank you thank you
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:16PM) Jeff: np :) he's the hardware junkie
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:16PM) Jeff: so I figure he knows all this stuff
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:16PM) Jeff: and he's picky
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:17PM) Chasmia: picky is good
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:17PM) Chasmia: *beams*
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:17PM) Jeff: if you wanna see my bro's china pics and fiancee or whatever ;) it's here
(eidt: omitting the link on purpose here)
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:18PM) Chasmia: nice
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:19PM) Jeff: he took like 400 pics there
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:19PM) Jeff: and had them developed for 30 bucks
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:19PM) Chasmia: heh
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:19PM) Chasmia: baby...
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:19PM) Chasmia: please don't think I'm a slug or anything but
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:19PM) Chasmia: You're *so* much cuter than your brother
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:19PM) Jeff: hah
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:20PM) Jeff: thanks
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:21PM) Chasmia: welcome :)
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:21PM) Jeff: he's taller
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:21PM) Chasmia: now if I can just snag you for myself, it'll be perfect
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:21PM) Chasmia: why is he bitter?
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:22PM) Jeff: bitter?
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:23PM) Chasmia: misread
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:23PM) Chasmia: thought you said he's bitter
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:23PM) Jeff: oh heh
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:23PM) Chasmia: you're got prettier, more sparkly eyes
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:23PM) Chasmia: nicer hair
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:23PM) Jeff: thanks :)
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:23PM) Chasmia: cuter face
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:23PM) Chasmia: so uh
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:23PM) Chasmia: can I have you all to myself?
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:24PM) Chasmia: and if so, when can I get in your pants?
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:24PM) Jeff: you don't now? :)
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:24PM) Jeff: whenever you like heh
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:24PM) Chasmia: nope, but it ain't for a lack of trying
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:24PM) Chasmia: I really would love to hold you right now
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:24PM) Jeff: aww
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:24PM) Chasmia: I'm not feeling mushy, weirdly enough
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:24PM) Chasmia: I'm just really happy to talk to you
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:24PM) Chasmia: I've missed you
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:25PM) Jeff: *hugs*
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:25PM) Chasmia: hugs
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:25PM) Jeff: maybe I'll miss my flight on Wed. and have to stay in Dallas
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:25PM) Jeff: then you can come there :) hah
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:26PM) Chasmia: can't. I have to keep my word to my family
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:26PM) Chasmia: not to leave again till next year
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:26PM) Jeff: oh yeah
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:26PM) Jeff: heh
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:26PM) Chasmia: so can I have you all to myself? You never answered me, durnit
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:27PM) Chasmia: interesting
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:27PM) Chasmia: this is a slower processor for more money
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:27PM) Jeff: slower than what
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:27PM) Chasmia: the one on the front page
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:27PM) Chasmia: by a negligible amount - the one on the front page is a 2.0 GHz
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:27PM) Chasmia: for 149
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:28PM) Chasmia: this one is a 1.8GHz for 165
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:28PM) Jeff: 150 you mean?
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:28PM) Chasmia: yep
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:29PM) Chasmia: answer me or diiiiiiiie
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:30PM) Chasmia: stop avoiding the question
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:30PM) Jeff: hehe take me
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:30PM) Chasmia: ANSWER ME
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:30PM) Chasmia: *mutters*
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:31PM) Jeff: sure, you can have me
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:31PM) Jeff: hehe
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:31PM) Chasmia: *cry*
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:31PM) Jeff: nobody else wants me anyway :)
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:31PM) Chasmia: you're being difficult
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:31PM) Jeff: so I think you're stuck with me :)
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:31PM) Chasmia: I'm gonna stick my cold feet all over you until you answer the full question
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:31PM) Jeff: promise?
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:31PM) Jeff: lol
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:32PM) Chasmia: I'm finding my stick right now
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:32PM) Chasmia: right now
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:32PM) Chasmia: RIGHT NOW
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:32PM) Chasmia: Can I have you all to myself?
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:32PM) Jeff: I said yes, how many times do you need me to say it
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:32PM) Jeff: heh
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:32PM) Chasmia: you said I could have you, but didn't say whether I could have you all to myself
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:34PM) Jeff: oh heh
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:37PM) Jeff: *kisses*
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:37PM) Chasmia: oh no.
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:37PM) Chasmia: newp
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:37PM) Chasmia: answer me
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:37PM) Chasmia: no kissin' me to distract me
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:38PM) Chasmia: I've dealt with a baby that used her absolute total adorability against me
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:38PM) Jeff: I did !
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:38PM) Chasmia: I've learned how to stay strong
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:38PM) Chasmia: you didn't say whether or not I could have you all to myself
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:38PM) Chasmia: 3rd time I've pointed that out now
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:41PM) Jeff: I said you can, nobody else wants me anyway :)
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:42PM) Chasmia: well, lemme teach you a nice way to put that
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:42PM) Chasmia: "Yes, baby. Only you can have me because you're all I want."
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:42PM) Chasmia: try that
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:42PM) Chasmia: it might get you laid
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:46PM) Chasmia: okay, I've got my stick. Speak now, mister.
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:47PM) Jeff: ok, you're the only one I want, you can have me :)
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:47PM) Chasmia: it's about time!
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:47PM) Chasmia: you put off getting laid for your indecision!
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:47PM) Chasmia: c'mere, you
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:47PM) Chasmia: it's kisses time now
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:48PM) Jeff: haha
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:48PM) Jeff: kiss me ;0
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:48PM) Chasmia: *KISS* *KISS* *KISS*
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:48PM) Jeff: thanks :)
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:49PM) Chasmia: *smoooooooch*&
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:49PM) Chasmia: okay your cell phone...
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:49PM) Chasmia: I decided to molest you via text messages today
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:49PM) Chasmia: then got all scared someone would see it
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:49PM) Chasmia: so I didn't molest you
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:52PM) Jeff: aww hehe
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:52PM) Jeff: aww hehe
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:52PM) Jeff: sex by text message eh? :)
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:53PM) Chasmia: nah. just dirty talk
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:53PM) Jeff: I like dirty talk :)
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:54PM) Chasmia: I just like you. *beams* I love you so much
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:54PM) Jeff: I love you
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:55PM) Chasmia: Elizabeth got little pink lamb slippers
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:55PM) Chasmia: they're sooooo cute
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:55PM) Jeff: cute :)
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:55PM) Chasmia: god, baby
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:55PM) Chasmia: she really is a demon but
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:55PM) Chasmia: I mean, a real demon
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:55PM) Chasmia: but
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:56PM) Chasmia: god, when she saw the little pink lamb slippers, she stood up, held her arms out wide, and walked slowly to get the little lamb and hug it tightly
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:56PM) Chasmia: oh god, it was so precious
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:56PM) Chasmia: those big blue eyes
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:57PM) Chasmia: those little bitty arms stretched out
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:57PM) Chasmia: and the sweetest, most loving hug
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:57PM) Chasmia: oh it was just precious
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:59PM) Jeff: lol cutie :)
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:59PM) Jeff: I wanna lil girl
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (10:59PM) Jeff: they're so awesome hehe
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:00PM) Chasmia: well, it just depends on the kid
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:00PM) Chasmia: Baby, Elizabeth is just a more dainty version of Tyler
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:00PM) Chasmia: she is wicked to the bone
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:00PM) Chasmia: but so cute that you can't hold it against her :)
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:01PM) Jeff: haha
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:01PM) Jeff: yeah
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:07PM) *** Users currently in conversation:
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:07PM) *** jlm@he.net
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:07PM) Jeff: whatcha doin sugar
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:07PM) Chasmia: Nothing at all but listening to music
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:08PM) Jeff: ahh :)
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:16PM) *** Users currently in conversation:
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:16PM) *** jlm@he.net
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:16PM) Jeff: why are ya all quiet now heh
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:17PM) Chasmia: coz I'm plotting to get in your pants - and it's taking all of my ability not to tell you about ... oh. heh
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:17PM) Chasmia: *kisses*
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:17PM) Jeff: rofl
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:18PM) Chasmia: hehe
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:18PM) Jeff: *kisses*
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:19PM) Chasmia: *kisses*
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:20PM) Jeff: here, I'll make it easy on you
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:20PM) Jeff: my pants are open and waiting ;D
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:20PM) Chasmia: hey!
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:21PM) Chasmia: get here right now
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:21PM) Chasmia: there's something in there that want
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:21PM) Jeff: haha
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:21PM) Jeff: oh yeah?
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:21PM) Chasmia: yeah!
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:23PM) Jeff: like what? :)
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:23PM) Chasmia: well, it has to do with a castle
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:24PM) Jeff: oh yeah?
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:25PM) Chasmia: why yes
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:25PM) Jeff: lol you recreated Brazen?
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:28PM) Jeff: where ya go
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:28PM) Jeff: heh
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:28PM) Chasmia: I changed my mind. Think I'll just fool around in There till you feel like logging in
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:29PM) Jeff: hmm how come?
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:29PM) Chasmia: dunno
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:29PM) Chasmia: KISSES
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:29PM) Chasmia: KISSES
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:29PM) Chasmia: KISSES KISSES KISSES
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:29PM) Chasmia: *beams* I love you Jeff
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:29PM) Jeff: I love you
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:29PM) Jeff: if you ever decided you wanted to play
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:29PM) Jeff: on a diff server
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:29PM) Jeff: I'd go with you
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:29PM) Chasmia: no you wouldn't
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:30PM) Jeff: I would
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:30PM) Chasmia: you'd still keep Tiberian and play on Liberty
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:30PM) Jeff: after I get to 50 ;)
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:30PM) Jeff: heh
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:30PM) Jeff: after 50, I would in a sec
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:30PM) Chasmia: nah, I'm not all that keen onplaying there
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:30PM) Jeff: ok
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:34PM) Jeff: I really don't wanna go to SF
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:34PM) Chasmia: I'd die to go!
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:34PM) Chasmia: I'm so jealous
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:35PM) Chasmia: holy moly
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:35PM) Chasmia: this guy set up a whole ranch
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:35PM) Chasmia: with like 8 portazones
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:35PM) Chasmia: has a herd of roaming buffalo
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:35PM) Chasmia: longhorn cattle
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:35PM) Chasmia: a ranch
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:35PM) Chasmia: a house
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:35PM) Chasmia: it's fabulous!
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:35PM) Chasmia: stables
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:35PM) Jeff: hah
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:35PM) Jeff: funny
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:35PM) Chasmia: a barn
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:35PM) Chasmia: stalls
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:36PM) Chasmia: Horses!
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:36PM) Chasmia: chickens
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:36PM) Chasmia: bales of hay
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:36PM) Chasmia: round and square
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:37PM) Chasmia: hayloft!
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:37PM) Chasmia: owls!
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:37PM) Chasmia: wow!
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:37PM) Jeff: haha
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:38PM) Jeff: you're too amused :)
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:38PM) Chasmia: you just don't get it
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:38PM) Chasmia: it looks like a real farm
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:38PM) Chasmia: there's probably 50 buffalo
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:38PM) Jeff: that's cool heh
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:38PM) Chasmia: bah, city slicker
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:40PM) Jeff: haha
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:40PM) Jeff: guess so ;)
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:40PM) Chasmia: yeah :)
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:42PM) Jeff: hehe
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:42PM) Jeff: dork :)
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:43PM) Chasmia: I'm not either.
Saturday, December 25, 2004 (11:43PM) Jeff: uh huh :)
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (12:10AM) *** Users currently in conversation:
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (12:10AM) *** jlm@he.net
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (12:10AM) Jeff: sweety pop
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (12:10AM) *** Auto-response sent to Jeff: I am currently idle.
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (12:32AM) *** Users currently in conversation:
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (12:32AM) *** jlm@he.net
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (12:32AM) Jeff: whatcha doin
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (12:33AM) Chasmia: putting Soapy to bed
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (12:35AM) Chasmia: but I'm done now
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (12:35AM) Jeff: ahh ok
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (12:38AM) Jeff: *kisses*
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (12:38AM) Chasmia: kisses
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (12:39AM) Chasmia: kisses
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (12:39AM) Jeff: :)
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (12:39AM) Jeff: cutie
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (12:39AM) Chasmia: I'm gonna go to bed soon, I think
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (12:39AM) Chasmia: well, relatively
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (12:40AM) Jeff: how come
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (12:40AM) Chasmia: boredom
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (12:40AM) Jeff: aww
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (12:40AM) Jeff: I'm sorry sugar
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (12:40AM) Chasmia: no big deal. I'm used to it
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (12:40AM) Chasmia: I'm going to play WoW. That's the game I'm going to.
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (12:41AM) Chasmia: At least I'll have something to keep me occupied
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (12:44AM) Jeff: I'll play with ya
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (12:44AM) Chasmia: no you won't
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (12:44AM) Chasmia: don't even tell me that
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (12:45AM) Jeff: it's much easier to lvl than Lineage
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (12:45AM) Chasmia: no thanks, Jeff. I will not play CoH
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (12:45AM) Jeff: ?
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (12:45AM) Chasmia: oh
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (12:45AM) Chasmia: WoW
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (12:45AM) Chasmia: sorry
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (12:46AM) Jeff: heh
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (12:46AM) Chasmia: well..
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (12:46AM) Chasmia: I don't believe that you will. You've shown me otherwise far too many times
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (12:46AM) Chasmia: I'll be fine playing it alone.
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (12:47AM) Jeff: well ok
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:17AM) *** jlm@he.net (Jeff) has joined the conversation.
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:18AM) Chasmia: okay, it's 2:15am your time. I think you need to spend some time with me. I want and need to talk to you, but you're far too busy playing CoH and I'm not liking that too well.
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:25AM) *** jlm@he.net (Jeff) has joined the conversation.
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:25AM) Chasmia: Hello?
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:26AM) Jeff: sorry was afk
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:26AM) Jeff: ok, after this mission I'll log
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:26AM) Chasmia: *sigh* Don't bother. You'll be too tired soon
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:27AM) Jeff: I slept from 5 to 10 or something
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:27AM) Chasmia: that's never stopped you before.
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:30AM) Jeff: well I'm not tired right now
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:31AM) Chasmia: I am terrified that this is going to turn into a fight and that no matter what I say, I'm going to end up getting hurt and will be left feeling as if I am the one in the wrong here
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:32AM) Chasmia: But I have to talk to you. We're supposed to love each other, but I am no more important to you now than I was a month ago. In fact, it's a lot less
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:33AM) Chasmia: I asked you a week ago to sit me down within the following week to tell me what I can expect from this relationship
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:33AM) Chasmia: Even if it ruined Christmas
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:34AM) Chasmia: the week is over. we've both had the entire day off. I came running with great love and affection for you and it's 1:30 my time and I have nothing from you
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:34AM) Chasmia: you took a nap today - to play CoH? Where's my time?
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:35AM) Chasmia: it really hurts me. It tells me that no, I am not important to you
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:36AM) Jeff: I took a nap because I was tired
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:36AM) Jeff: and I'm not intersted in fighting
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:36AM) Jeff: so if that's what it's gonna be, we should stop now
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:37AM) Chasmia: Why am I such an inconvenience to you?
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:37AM) Jeff: you're not
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:37AM) Chasmia: then why are you showing me otherwise?
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:38AM) Jeff: I'm not sure really what's different....I'm not a big talker
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:38AM) Jeff: I've never been a big talker
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:38AM) Jeff: we usually played stuff together
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:38AM) Jeff: that kept us occupied
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:38AM) Chasmia: *together*
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:38AM) Chasmia: that's the key word
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:38AM) Chasmia: because you wanted to be with me
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:39AM) Chasmia: and I wanted to be with you
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:39AM) Jeff: yes, you left the only thing we played together
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:39AM) Chasmia: yes I did - after you and the others made sure it was extremely unpleasant
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:40AM) Jeff: still not sure exactly what I did, but ok
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:40AM) Chasmia: and it wasn't the only thing we did together. We tried several things together. You just had little interest
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:40AM) Jeff: what else did we do together?
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:41AM) Chasmia: Baseball
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:41AM) Chasmia: Lineage
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:41AM) Chasmia: Horizons
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:41AM) Chasmia: and There. Can't forget where we met.
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:41AM) Jeff: Lineage was the only one we really played
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:41AM) Jeff: There is boring tho
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:42AM) Chasmia: then find us something instead of sitting on CoH making me feel as if you don't give a damn about me simply because I won't play that game
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:42AM) Jeff: there is nothing to play really
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:43AM) Jeff: we've been looking
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:43AM) Chasmia: odd. I've been playing PlanetSide shooting with Nita for 3 days now
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:44AM) Jeff: what's that have to do with me, I don't play shooter games
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:44AM) Jeff: so that's not something we can play
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:45AM) Chasmia: We can play *something* How many times to I have to beg for time with you to make you give it to me instead of making me wait till you're tired of CoH?
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:45AM) Chasmia: You won't be around next week
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:45AM) Chasmia: you've been busy this week
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:45AM) Chasmia: tonight would've been great to spend time together
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:47AM) Chasmia: Is it that you don't want me any more?
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:47AM) Chasmia: Or is it that you're sick of me?
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:47AM) Chasmia: Is that why it's so easy not to have anything to do with me?
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:47AM) Jeff: instead of having this conversion, we could be doing something productive
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:48AM) Chasmia: addressing my pain is pretty productive, I think
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:49AM) Jeff: that's not what this will accomplish
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:49AM) Chasmia: what exactly will accomplish it?
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:50AM) Chasmia: I want you to love me or leave me. Not tell me that you love me but make me feel as if I've been left.
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:51AM) Jeff: I just don't know how to be that person you want
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:51AM) Chasmia: Don't shut down on me. Tell me what you're thinking right now.
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:51AM) Chasmia: You were when we first got together
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:52AM) Chasmia: you have been - till October
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:52AM) Chasmia: was it the wheelchair thing?
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:52AM) Jeff: no way
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:52AM) Chasmia: what was it, then?
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:52AM) Jeff: I wasn't ever what you wanted me to be
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:52AM) Chasmia: what do you think I wanted you to be?
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:53AM) Jeff: someone who expresses things better than I can
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:54AM) Chasmia: everyone can. They just have to want to
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:54AM) Chasmia: everyone can. They just have to want to
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:54AM) Chasmia: you could and did till October
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:54AM) Jeff: I don't buy that, cuz we've had many arguements prior to Oct
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:54AM) Jeff: about my lack of showing things
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:55AM) Chasmia: I feel neglected and unwanted. It's been much worse since October.
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:55AM) Chasmia: People that love each other want to be together, I thought, yet you don't seem to want me around unless it's in CoH or unless there's nothing else to do
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:57AM) Jeff: no, it's not that....it's just that I can't just sit somewhere and just talk
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:57AM) Jeff: that's not me at all
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:57AM) Chasmia: it used to be.
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:57AM) Chasmia: how we'd spend hours in the lighthouse on There
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:57AM) Chasmia: or on the phone
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:58AM) Jeff: I don't believe I talked tha tmuch
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:58AM) Chasmia: read back over our MSN logs.
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:58AM) Chasmia: and old There logs
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:58AM) Chasmia: yeah, we used to talk very well. You're my best friend because of it
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:59AM) Jeff: I dunno, it's just hard for me
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:59AM) Chasmia: I don't feel that you want me any more
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (01:59AM) Chasmia: I want you to be honest and tell me if that's true or not
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:00AM) Chasmia: the faster you can do that, the faster we both can work toward being happy - whether it means we're together or apart.
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:01AM) Jeff: it's just hard ... my mind goes thru so much
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:01AM) Jeff: and changes so much
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:01AM) Chasmia: tell me what that means. I don't want to jump to the wrong conclusions
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:02AM) Jeff: well one day I think we there is nothing that is going to happen, and others I don't feel that way
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:02AM) Chasmia: going to happen?
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:02AM) Chasmia: you mean us in the future?
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:02AM) Jeff: being together
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:02AM) Chasmia: see, you aren't the only one going through that
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:03AM) Chasmia: I think the difference lies in the reasoning behind it.
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:04AM) Jeff: maybe so
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:05AM) Chasmia: I don't want you to leave me, but I can't live like this too much longer. I need resolution
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:06AM) Chasmia: I have never felt so strongly for a man as I do for you, but when you go cold on me, I want nothing more than to die - then the anger sets in
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:06AM) Chasmia: then the pain and self doubt
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:06AM) Chasmia: then I turn into someone that I'm not.
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:07AM) Chasmia: I want to be important to someone, Jeff
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:07AM) Chasmia: I want someone to love me as much as I love them
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:07AM) Jeff: I know...and you deserve to be. My hanging on is hurting you.
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:07AM) Chasmia: and I don't love so easily, so this is very difficult for me
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:08AM) Chasmia: Yes, it's hurting me.
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:08AM) Chasmia: So let me go. Make me leave and tell me you don't love me any more.
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:09AM) Chasmia: or love me with all your heart and hold me tight
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:09AM) Jeff: it's not that simple
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:09AM) Chasmia: I don't understand why?
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:09AM) Jeff: because I'll always love you
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:09AM) Jeff: regardless
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:10AM) Chasmia: but not the kind of love you want to hold on to?
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:11AM) Jeff: see that's the thing....I never picture myself having that kind of thing happening with me.
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:12AM) Jeff: sometimes I think it appeals to me
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:12AM) Jeff: and other times, it doesn't
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:13AM) Chasmia: so what does it mean for us?
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:14AM) Jeff: I think it means that I'm never gonna be able to give you what you want
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:14AM) Jeff: on a consistent basis
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:14AM) Chasmia: no. one always can. you just have to want to
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:15AM) Chasmia: I had to learn how to love Tessa and Chelcie the way they deserved
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:15AM) Chasmia: I had to learn that it wasn't just me me me
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:15AM) Jeff: well if that's true, then I must not want to be that way *shrug*
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:16AM) Chasmia: I am sorry that I can't be the girl in the shadows for you.
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:17AM) Chasmia: I want to do everything to keep you, but I'm on the fast road to death on this course, because my heart can't take this. The pain is excruciating
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:19AM) Jeff: :( I just need to let you go then, cuz I can't keep doing this to you. I hate that beacuse you're a very important person in my life and you have been and I worry that you will never wanna talk to me again or blah
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:19AM) Chasmia: I can't.
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:19AM) Chasmia: I have to heal
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:20AM) Jeff: healing means never talking to me?
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:20AM) Chasmia: Healing means letting go of something that's never going to happen.
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:21AM) Jeff: hmm :(
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:23AM) Jeff: I'm sorry I hurt you so much :(
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:24AM) Chasmia: I'll get through. I always do.
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:25AM) Jeff: I know you do, but I still worry about you
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:30AM) Jeff: sigh...so what now
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:30AM) Chasmia: uh, didn't you just dump me?
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:30AM) Jeff: I don't know what I did
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:32AM) Chasmia: no more keeping this secret from you. You can't hurt me over it now. http://markaina.blogspot.com/
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:34AM) Jeff: will you please take GV and the money to cover it?
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:34AM) Chasmia: no
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:34AM) Jeff: why not
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:35AM) Chasmia: because I don't ever want to go back in there again. That was our zone. There is no us now.
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (02:35AM) Jeff: sigh
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (03:02AM) *** Users currently in conversation:
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (03:02AM) *** jlm@he.net
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (03:02AM) Jeff: tell Jinx to go fuck himself
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (03:02AM) *** jlm@he.net (Jeff) has joined the conversation.
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (03:02AM) Chasmia: why?
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (03:02AM) Jeff: Sigh
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (03:02AM) Jeff: cuz he's an asshole
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (03:02AM) *** jlm@he.net (Jeff) has joined the conversation.
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (03:03AM) Chasmia: *shrug* I'm used to it.
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (03:03AM) Jeff: Sigh
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (03:03AM) Chasmia: I won't be near him any time soon. I decided that last week.
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (03:04AM) Chasmia: retrieve the Shaguar and the Bone please. They're outside of Grass Valley
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (03:04AM) Jeff: don't want them
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (03:04AM) Chasmia: then some strangers will have them because they're not in my inventory any more
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (03:04AM) Jeff: k
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (03:05AM) Chasmia: sell the shaguar if you don't want it. I saw an ad for 150k for it last week
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (03:06AM) Jeff: I don't want money
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (03:06AM) Chasmia: weeeeeeell, don't be spiteful
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (03:06AM) Chasmia: that was my pride and joy. At least it'll bring some great money your way.
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (03:06AM) Jeff: its yours
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (03:06AM) Jeff: you take it
Sunday, December 26, 2004 (03:06AM) Chasmia: took it